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Sunday, June 15, 2003::

I was reading in my book "The Dream Encyclopedia" today (which has lots of information on psychology, religons, and toerh such things including Sigmond Frued) and I was flipping through and I ran across "Hallucinations." I was interested because I had this dream before . . . or it was like a dream . . .

I was sleeping in my bed, in the exact same spot and way I was actually in facing the wall. A sound of rustling disterbed my sleeping and I became irrated. I thought it was my mom, snooping or looking for something like clothes or a piece of paper. I was really annoyed by this continous racket of movement and I grred "Do you mind??? I'm trying to sleep here!" But what replied was not my mom's voice, it was the voice of a grown man, unfamiliar, cold, threatening. "You won't be for long" My heart stopped, and my stomach churned. I held my breath in shock and my eyes popped open. I was facing the wall and I felt this presence coming over me and on the wall I saw there was a shadow. I knew i was going to die, and I was frightened beyond anything I'd ever felt before. My defensive mode kicked in about then and I jerked back and kicked out with both of my legs and arms ready to defend myself and I yelled loudly--but there was nothing there...My heart raced and I looked around my room to be certain. No one. Strange . . .


I'm not saying I'm crazy. And this was a few months ago. Before I took pills. Before I had the anxiety attack. I'd had vivid dreams before . . . but none as real as that. And it was only one time. I had convienced myself that it was a dream. But it reads that hallucinations are often thought of as "vivid dreams". I just want to know.

I think perhaps this exact dream-like-thing was brought on by my fear of my house being broken into at night (and when i'm alone in the day). As has been a great fear of mine for ever, I beleive. I lay ther at night listening to the voices and the creeking of the door or the footsteps or the rustling of paper on my floor. Voices are usually of my mom and my sister and their footsteps tot he restroom. And the creeking of the front door by my mom stepping out for a cigarette. And the rustling of my paper a coincedence perhaps a bug. A large one. Which also makes me shudder at the thought. My windows often leave me paranoid from sounds outside or when I think something has walked past them.

I didn't mention this to Dr. Jain, I don't think they'll understand and I don't think it's anything to worry about. Just my thoughts on it.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:11 PM:-