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Monday, September 29, 2003::

Absolute Cuteness

My puppy is pretty funny. She was really inconfidant when we first brought her home...she kept her nose to the ground and layed down a lot and slept. She was only happy when we put her outside. She didn't explore the house, or the backyardor the front yard. We quite litterally had to pick her up and take her to room to room to outside to room, etc.
She's been here a night. It was sort of a long night for me. Much like having a baby and your anxious all night. I didn't box her last night...i just let her wander my room and i kept a lamp on. Mostly she just beat her toys up all night and attacked the box. She also liked to chew at my dirty clothes basket and managed to get her teeth on part of my bra and chewed on it. o.o
Potty training's going way beyond my expectations. Faith only peed in the house once...in my room...on my carpet... o.O
But that was my fault for not taking her outside in time.

I got up at 1:30A.M. and took her to the front yard to potty and she did. Woke up at 5A.M. took her in the BACK because i was in my unzerweer and there were cars in the front. and she pottied. My parents are pretty darn happy.

Apearently my mom was holding the puppy in her lap on the chair and Faith decided to climb up on my mom's neck and lay down between the chair and my mom's neck. she looked like a necklace. Pretty funny puppy. I'll post pictures when I get them.

Besides that my puppy s 8lbs. Pretty good.

Now i just have to take care of her mange (mites, same thing) problem...

in the meantime:



What Anime Vampire Are You?

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:29 AM:-

Vote results
The results of the vote . . . my puppy's name is now officially Faith. It's still ahrd for the family not to call her fatty.

Boy she's a lazy puppy.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:24 PM:-

My Puppy

Can you guess? I GOT MY PUPPY! She's asleep in my room right now. I'm so happy.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 5:32 PM:-

Hickory Dickory Doc

Well, I told my parents all I wanted for my birthday was my puppy and things that the puppy needs. And they said if I get my room clean i can have the puppy tomorrow. I'm EXCITED!

My only problem is . . . I also need a name for it by tomorrow. Help me out guys . . . because I can't name it Fatty I need a vote . . .

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:31 PM:-

< |2 4 p!

/\/\y

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 1:11 PM:-

Medicine Time

As stated in my comment only more elaborated:

Ross, I'm not attacking you, I'm avoiding you. If you had any consideration and were my friend you'd know i take things personally. I know you take things personally so I suppose i avoid telling you things or making jokes or teasing you. That and I'm scared of you getting angry. The only difference between us is you get defensive outwardly and get angry and I get defensive inwardly and get upset.

Which is all crazy because people should really be HAPPY if I tease them or make jokes becuase I only tease and joke with people I'm really comfortable with.

I don't mean to leave you alone Sara, I really really don't. It makes me sad, even though it's my own decision. But I know if i go Ross will yell at me or say rude comments he doens't mean, which would be more okay if he could handle me teasing him without getting angry.

I'm sorry I'm weak, there, happy, Ross? I admit something. Ross you just make being around friends very unpleant. You told me you were working on it, you understood a week ago, Ross! Maybe I'll hang out with you this weekend, Sara, with Ross and everyone . . . but that's going to depend on some things.

I still havn't taken my medicine yet, in hope that if I take it alter it won't wear off so soon. But I don't want to have to be on medications, on drugs to be able to handle people. I DON'T want to depend on pills to be able to function in life! When I take the medicine . . . I don't even notice it working . . . and it starts working pretty fast. Because i can sitll experiance any emotion but I'm 500 times less likely to cry. When I'm on my medicine and something makes me sad my eyes will water up a little and burn a bit and then it'll go away and i'll still feel sad . . . but i won't cry. I don't think about death. I don't hate people.

But say I forget a dose or havn't taken my medicine, even for one day, even without realizing it, then my emotions are worse than they were back last year before i even took medicine. Just crying and crying over EVERY LITTLE THING and I can't help it and not being able to sleep (though i seem to sleep fine in class the next morning), and hating people and wishing i were dead and bad memories and bad thoughts and everything I don't want comes rushing back into my mind and my life. I'm crying now, I've been crying all morning. So the medicine makes me depend on it to function, because being sad, being upset in this society is looked down upon by others and to myself.


Ross i know you can be a generous and caring person, I KNOW, I *KNOW* it, I've SEEN it, I KNOW you can be. But you hate me and it makes me scared of you because I don't want you to hate me. I don't want to be yelled at. I don't want to have to put my mind through abosulte torture just to be around my friends for a day.


I'll go this weekend. I'll hang out with you guys. I'm pretty excited about Kelsi going if she can.

But first I'm going to take a bath, and take my medicine, and then i'm going to call nathan and go to the library...then we'll see. Ok?

I don't want to cause disrution. Ross, for the record, I don't hate you. Just really really sad to be around you when you hate me.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 11:02 AM:-

No Fun Allowed

I'm really sorry but I hated that movie. Evil Dead II? I hated it. I could tell my medicine had worn off . . . and that plus the caffiene gave me an awful headache. I wasn't in any position to dela with anything.

I can't stand you be around you Ross. You're so totally different at school than you are with friends. It's like you're almost a completly different person. I don't know WHY you're so defenseive around me. You act all macho around Sara and Tim and all the group like you're trying to IMPRESS THEM with some male dominance shit. (excuse my language, really and truly, but ventage is needed). You say that I take things 'too personally', well, so do you Ross. And it's pretty lame of you to insult peope and act so negative. I feel like dying everytime you open your mouth. I shouldn't have to shut my mouth because i'm timid and scared of you. But I don't care anymore, because I refuse to be around you, except in shcool when it's nessassary. I'll still hang out with the group . . . but if you're there I won't be. That should make you feel better, since you hate me. So tomorrow, i'm sure you'll be having fun with the group, I'm not going to be there, not as long as you're there with that same attitude.

feel free to COMMENT.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:35 PM:-

More Java Jargon

I got it to work . . . behold . . .:

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:24 PM:-

Java Jargon

I'm trying to work on a Java application but it seems blgoger doens't want to support it.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:04 PM:-

Well.. BLARGH. I'm going to bed.

Feel free to comment your face off.

Bai.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:41 PM:-

highlights of recent events/feelings

1. My apointment from yesterday was reschedualed to this morning. I got to miss all of PE, I was happy.
   
   
2. I tried out for the fall play The Three Muskateers this past Tuesday and we get the results of the audition on Monday. I'm pretty exited.
   
   
3. I think I'm getting sick.
   
   
4. Man, so I love Autumn.
   
   
5. I'm still on 4 anti-depressant pills a day.
   
   
6. They stole my blood, those bloody-umm..nevamind ^-^''''
   
   
7. People are all really currupted.
   
   
8. My aunt gave away 3 of the puppies already. She gave away two of the fat fuzzy blonde ones and the brown one but still have; mine (the 3rd fuzzy fat blonde one), theirs (the fuzzy black one), and both little short-haired blonde ones.
   
   
9. counting down the days until me and Nathan would have been 'going out' or 'dating' or 'courting', or whatever the correct terminaology is, for 6 months!
   
   
10. School still really sucks.
    
    
11. thge end for now
    

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:05 PM:-

Mean lil fellow, arn't you?


What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:22 AM:-

I have to go to my psychiatrist today. THAT'S RIGHT, YOU HEARD ME. so he can ask me how my MONTH was. HA. Like I'm ACTUALLY GOING TO REMEMBER MY ENTIRE MONTH?? and then they're going to steal my blood and give me more pills.
How am I today? Well, I'M TIRED. WANNA SLEEP. I want to curl up in my bed with my kitty-pillow and just SLEEp, foreveeeer......
excuse me *takes her meds and glares at you all*

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:12 AM:-

Well . . . If you've noticed I've added a fair amount of new links under 'Blogs'. Feel free to check that out. In the mean time . . . I'm going to play Sims.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 5:53 PM:-

I've got permission to use the pictures from Sara's blog here:

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:30 AM:-

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:04 PM:-

Homecoming Night

My pictures aren't as formal as the ones on Sara's blog, but rather they are more casual. And . . . strange. All the pictures were pretty bad quality caus ei took them on low quality--so most all fo them have been edited to not look like crap.




Zoom of Mark's face and the bottom part of his paper-hat.



Samantha made Shawn cry, and it's proven here. See the evil gleam in her eyes? No I did not edit this picture. c(:



Nathan being cute.



Russell, Sara, Shawn, and Mark.



In this picture you'll find Ross. And Mark being sechzee.


There's me.


Mark and Ross.

EYES (don't ask..it's just funny)




Mark's eye



Amy's eye

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:33 PM:-

Okay, Blogger seems to be letting me post now. Why are my comments gone? Eh, well, I'll fix it after church.


Yesterday was pretty awesome. Our own homecoming, the real homecoming, swimming at mark's house. Though swimming sometimes makes me sad because I can't swim and i'm usually icolated from everyone because of my limitaitons c(: . My big fear of deep water and my lack of phatness which doens't allow my to float. But I had lots of fun.
MJy wrist itches where i fell down at nathan's house.
Wow, I should be getting ready for church. I woke up at 6am this morning completely awake and fell back asleep around 9am and woke up at 9:51 and i was so tired i didn't wanna get up to go to church. But i got up anyway. And I'll go to church. But i should get clothes. A food.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:15 AM:-

HHHHHHHMMMMMMMM.......Maybe we can have a hobo homecoming dance.

Lets see . . . Ummm... *brain storm* All we need is a yard. A alrge tin can with dry sticks in it. a couple matches. marshmellows. weenies (if prefered...i don't like them though), um...some coat hangers. Hobo clothes. then we can have some hobo fooseball and some good ole scrufflin over some food. Followed by Hobo-dancing. Possibly hobo swimming afterwards.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:08 PM:-

PUPPY PICTURES -6 weeks old-



Where are 6 of the 7 puppies in this picture . . . some of them drinking water, some of them being ADD, and one you can't see is biting my pants.



Group of fatty's and one skinny attacking me.



One of the short-haired blonde ones and the short haired brown one. The brown one has an attitude problem c(:



awwwwwww . . . Puppies were getting tired by now and were settling down for a nap. Cutest picture EVER.



Here's My Fatty . . . avoiding looking at me camra. My attempt to get her to look at the camra failed and I just ended up with a picture of my hand.



That's my puppy. She's shy, I had to hold her head up.



Puppies settling down for a nap udner the trailor.



Sleepy time.



Puppies attacking my brother.



My cousin holding the brown one.



My Fatty.



My Fatty again!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:46 PM:-

When Darkness Falls and I Close My Eyes

My dreams are getting worse. Maybe it's because I didn't take my medicine. But it's getting too much for me. I woke up not but 28 minutes ago and I feel like I've gone through another step of my life. In my dream I experianced shock, pain, death, sorrow, independance, experianced the feeling of my own doom soon to come.

My dream: My mom almost died (and maybe did) when I said something to upset her . . . she went in and stabbed herself with a 1 foot blade. I went into the bathroom and she was standing there . . . crying . . . bleeding with a knife in her. She looked different. My body was experieancing shock and I told her I'd call 911 and she nodded. I called them . . . I couldn't help but crying, really scared, but it was numbing. I told them all they wanted ot know pretty detailedly.
Then I was somewhere . . . and I wouldn't go home. Not after that. I remember knowing that I was away from home and I was okay with that and I knew for some reason, they didn't care either. I had some experiances along the way. Something to do with friends, Nathan, church, puppies. Then I remeber being engulfed in this big room . . . with trash . . . people I knew were in it . . . like Paul and Becca and Cole and others I "knew". . . I was wondering why everyone wasn't making it out . . . everyone is suppose to live . . . but then I realized not everyone lives. People die. And just that happened. Only me and Cole got out. I ended up swimming to the top and I was in the attic of a garage. But something was soon going to come after me, and there was nothing I could do about it. Because people die. I climbed out. And Chad was mowing next door. For some reason, I followed him around for a while, being i guess he was the only other person there. And my mom came out (???) and told me my psychiatrist apointment was today.

It's hard to remember it all...

Then I woke up.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:33 AM:-

I have puppy pictures coming up from yesterday i'll put up alter today.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:21 AM:-

I will now attempt to write the entire King James Version of the Bible in l33t.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:27 PM:-

I have been working pretty hard on my website lately. Deleted From Society. Lots of work, lots of HTML. But it's not a lot of content unless you care about a couple crappy drawings, some dark poetry and pcitures of me. I really need more content.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:40 PM:-

"Never Let You Go" - by PHILMORE

"I had to go, but I want you to know
Someday I'll be back for you
Please don't be scared, 'cause if you need me I'll be there

I'll hold you near and I will wipe away your tears
I'll wipe away your fears
I'll wrap you in my arms
I'll keep you safe from harm

I'm waiting too
When the time is right then I'll be back for you
You've waited patiently, and you still believe in me

I'll be back for you and I won't ever let you go
I'll never let you go
It means so much for me to know

You love me too
That is all I ever want to hear from you
So please don't be scared
If you need me I'll be there

Please don't be scared, 'cause if you need me I'll be there

I'll hold you near and I will wipe away your tears
I'll wipe away your fears
I'll wrap you in my arms
I'll keep you safe from harm

(and) I'll hold you close I'll keep you near
You'll never cry another tear
I'll hold your hand and you'll hold mine
I'll always be right by your side

And I will never let you go
That's one thing I want you to know
I'll always be by your side
I love you"

Everyone buy the CD...NOW.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:52 AM:-

SNOOPY DANCE!!!!

http://www.darkharbor.com/snoopydance/

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:03 PM:-

I'm feeling the emotional draina nd the dred. I should do my work. I should care about highschool. but it's so HARD when it all seems pointless, even if it's not.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:47 PM:-

I just kind of made this up . . .


Midnight In The Graveyard

It's midnight in the graveyard
When the winds begin to blow
Two hundred fifty bodies lying deep beneith the snow
And all I hear if of no cheer
Their stories, songs, and rhymes
Singing how they never got to beat the test of time.

'Cause it's midnight in the graveyard
That's when the hushed awake
Moaning, groaning, crying out for no one elses sake
And as they pray for judgement day
The sun breaks o'er skies
Cries and prayers, no longer theirs, hushes down and dies.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 8:12 PM:-

Yeah. It's so great outside.

None of my old old friends (my old old friends...not my old friends) love me anymore c(:

Sharla's too busy with bells and dance and this and that and Kelsi and Michele are always off by themselves. sometimes I say hi to them and give them hugs...but other then that.

I scared them off last year with the evil thatwas all around me but now I'm good and they don't love me anymore :(


today was internesting... nathan took my to church cause my parents were intoxicated last night and then i ate lunch at his house and we drove aroudn with loud awesome music by "Philmore". It's pretty fat. Speaking of fat . . . people on the The Fat-Blog is goin' to a concert. But I'm not. Because, well, I don't like concerts. XD

And then after that i went with Becca and Paul to see Spy Kids 3D... It's was really corny . . . but hey, 3D Glasses!


On a sad note... shcool's tomorrow. I'm gunna diiiiiiiiiiiiiie XD

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:44 PM:-

I hate my imagination. HATE IT.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 1:02 AM:-

There... finnally...archives.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 12:31 AM:-

Awful little 10 yrs old. 10 yr olds shouldn't flick people off and use racial slurr. It's horrible. I hope they grow up to know God.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:23 PM:-

This whole week has been a living hell. Nearly. I've wanted to die just so much this week from the rejection, the redicule, the stupidity, the demands. The only thing i look forward to in my day is that I might see Nathan. I feel comforted when I'm with him. Comforted but when I see him, I can't hold back the pain of the day or anything anymore and I just cry. He's my only sorce of comfort it seems. I was very upset this morning when Nathan almost didn't show up. I was frighting everythign back and I didn't even know it until he came and Corey was making fun of Nathan and I was so angry, i didn't even hear what he said, and before i knew it, i was screaming at him to shut up. and everyone was looking at me and at that moment i realized how much i hated school and i didn't want to go on with today and i just cried. I don't like 10th grade, at all, i knew it'd be like this. I knew it.

Yesterday I slipped and fell in the girl locker room cause the floor was all wet. Little things like that. But it wasn't that I slipped. It was that that one girl, she's very racist against white people, which makes it all the worse. Was laughing at me SO HARD. and not the "hahaha...are you ok?" it was ridicule...pointing...nonstop laughter even after I got up and went back to my locker. I didn't cry. Not in front of her. I went to change in the stall to get into dry clothes and I cried. only a little... but enough to get the hate out of me. It was the first time I've ever handled something that well. But I don't want to go back to PE. Not just because of that but also, the pool was over chlorinated and it dried out my skin so bad. It hurt a lot.

None of my homework was done today because church and i took a looong bath afterwards yesterday. This morning was crap... i stormed off to my locker got my crap and was quite sure i was only at school because i was enslaved. Slammed my stuff down and delt through History even though i'm sure i'm FAILING now. Got to geoemetry...gave the teacher a half-hearted smile...threw my crap down. got out the crap work...worked on the homework i didn't do... bearly got through that class...went o IPC...it took forever...i took a test...cried quietly every so often. went to lunch... some girls came and sat with me that i didn't know... we talked. they were nice. i ate my cookie (it was cookieS but it morphed into one giant cookie in my backpack)...then i went to spanish. sat down and just gave up. i was so numb. at points i zoned out. I felt so inside my head. like my eyes were sinking far back into my head and i was seeing tunnel vision. like my body was unreal. I did what work i could. and i was lucky.. even though he was teachign fromt he student desk right behind me, he didn't get to me for the binder check and didn't ask me do do problems out of the cuaderno-thing becuase i LEFT IT AT HOME so that would have been bad. and before the pep ralley, before we could leave. i turned to the side for fast escape when the bell would ring and i was looking down and he asked me how i was and i gust went "nnuueehh" and he looked at me and he goes "what's wrong??" and i CAN'T HANDLE when people ask me that, I cry. and he was all converned which i apreciate but i can't handle concern or pity when i'm upset and i just went "It's nothing, IT DOESN'T MATTER!" and i turned away and he was like "ah--no-wait-uh" but i just stayed turned around in my desk and the bell rang and before i could get up he told me to stay and i was thinking "nnoo.." and he asked me what was wrong and i go "It's just SCHOOL" (refraining form saying skloo) bluntly and i started to leave but he said "What's wrong? It is other students?" and i thought back in my head a second and i said "It's a mixture of everything" and i left as quick as possible.
Heh--i think that's the first time I've ever spoken that harshly to a teacher. He's a nice guy, i feel bad that I did that. Yet at the same time relieved that i had some sort of additude in my voice. and then i skipped the pep-ralley with my friends and that was the best part. it was all storm-y outside and you could hear it in there loudly and it was pretty fun... then i came home. and now i should be doing my poem for drama so i don't get kicked out of that class. But instead i'm venting here hoping someone will read and understand. cryign when i think about it so trying not to. Dreding tomorrow, because i'm not goign to participate in gym tomorrow. And i hate disapointing people and looking like a slacker.

I'm really not a bad student. I don't do things like other people. Maybe more for other people than for myself.

But may I make it clear . . . that I am ONLY in shcool so i can go to college so i can GET A JOB to be responsible if i'm to ever have a family. If i didn't havea desire for a family when i grow up . . . I'd be a hobo, happily. I think if i ever had a problem and i could never have children I'd kill myself.

well there's my venting.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 5:35 PM:-

Today SUCKS. Swimming was a disaster. I never want to come here again (I'm at skl00). *sighs*

and i smell like chloriene. Grr.

Besides that, happy 5 month aniversay to Nathan and me.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:07 AM:-

BAH! I'M GOING INSANE! I WANT MY PUPPY...MOM...GET A JOB!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:22 PM:-

My destiny is....WHAT?

What is Your Destiny? by Valcion
Name
Color
Birthday
Destiny	Fall in love with dreammate
Date when you fufill your destiny	June 27, 2018
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:46 PM:-

My Last Words

What will your last words be? by person
Your LJ username
Your real name
Your sex
Your age
Your last words will be...	"MMMM MORE FOOD!"
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:44 PM:-

That quiz below is the scariest wuiz you'll ever take. Now, I'm not catholic. but it sure does make you think. And scares the crap out of you as well.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:14 PM:-

Not so frightened anymore...

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:51 PM:-