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Monday, September 15, 2003::

When Darkness Falls and I Close My Eyes

My dreams are getting worse. Maybe it's because I didn't take my medicine. But it's getting too much for me. I woke up not but 28 minutes ago and I feel like I've gone through another step of my life. In my dream I experianced shock, pain, death, sorrow, independance, experianced the feeling of my own doom soon to come.

My dream: My mom almost died (and maybe did) when I said something to upset her . . . she went in and stabbed herself with a 1 foot blade. I went into the bathroom and she was standing there . . . crying . . . bleeding with a knife in her. She looked different. My body was experieancing shock and I told her I'd call 911 and she nodded. I called them . . . I couldn't help but crying, really scared, but it was numbing. I told them all they wanted ot know pretty detailedly.
Then I was somewhere . . . and I wouldn't go home. Not after that. I remember knowing that I was away from home and I was okay with that and I knew for some reason, they didn't care either. I had some experiances along the way. Something to do with friends, Nathan, church, puppies. Then I remeber being engulfed in this big room . . . with trash . . . people I knew were in it . . . like Paul and Becca and Cole and others I "knew". . . I was wondering why everyone wasn't making it out . . . everyone is suppose to live . . . but then I realized not everyone lives. People die. And just that happened. Only me and Cole got out. I ended up swimming to the top and I was in the attic of a garage. But something was soon going to come after me, and there was nothing I could do about it. Because people die. I climbed out. And Chad was mowing next door. For some reason, I followed him around for a while, being i guess he was the only other person there. And my mom came out (???) and told me my psychiatrist apointment was today.

It's hard to remember it all...

Then I woke up.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:33 AM:-