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Sunday, November 30, 2003::

Why my besT friend is Nathan :-p


AHem...


1. Because he's the only one that cares to talk to me on a daily basis.
2. He listens to me, no matter what I'm saying. And offers a non-arguementive opinion which we therefore discuss.
3. He understands when I am moody (which is mostly all the time).
4. He rarely ever gets mad with me . . . though I often get frustrated with him.
5. He is always compassionate.
6. He shows me when I'm doing somehting wrong, and gently turns me in the right direction.
7. He wouldn't let something as silly as a word come between me and his friendship.
8. Even when he's tight for time he always makes some for me.
9. Our trust in eachother far exceeds that of anyone else.
10. Even when he's having a bad day, not taking it out on me is one of his best qualities. Though, I can't say I caughtt hat gene.
11. He encourages me in every way, and is there when I need a hug.

I love you Nathan.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 8:30 PM:-

And Another Announcement

On the same day that my sister Amanda got engaged, Gloria and Devon for married! Gloria is the author of my *favorite* online comic Untitled (yes, the title has nothing to do with anything)

I wish these two lovely christianfurrys the best of luck!

now...


""hi ho, hi ho, it's off to church i go...""

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:11 AM:-

DANGER: cheese

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 8:37 PM:-

Announcement

My half-sister called from Maryland today, apearently her boyfriend proposed to her tonight. But with all the talk of weddings, I thought they were already engaged. Right now my sister is a bridal consultant.
Of course, she was telling my dad that her wedding was going to be Renissance themed. My dad was like "Ugh. . . can't you have a normal wedding, cause I already have the suit?" and she was like "Oh! I already have your costumes!"
Apearently I'm going to be the bride's maid. Becca's going to be a flower girl.

Um...what's a bride's maid?


I laughed at my dad and said she's probably dress him up like King John...or something. And he said he was considering just not going.

Then I promised my dad I'd have a normal wedding.

Watta

we gor a water filter. Before i couldn't stand water because it hurt my throat. But now that we have a filter i notice an extream difference. *drinks water and is happy* yeeeey!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 1:32 PM:-

Drama shit

Well, I'm thuroughly pissed off. I've gone form worried, to panic, to upset, to pissed. I could almost SWEAR, if i ever get through with this I'm just going to QUIT this next semester because it has no place in me. What's the point? I'm never going to be an "actress", and I do my best to avoid speaking in public. The people in the class don't care about me, much less notice me. And the ons that do only notice me because they, too, feel lonely at that moment or were forced to associate with me. I'm to the point of wanting to throw up. And if i ruin my 8-years-record-of-not-throwing-up over some silly elective then I'll probably just throw up more to get rid of the rage. I refuse to be alone on stage. I don't liek to be the center. If I have to do my Prose in contest I'll probably double dose on my medicine just to make sure i didn't panic and start balling, but then I'd probably just pass out on stage from an OD. Or---whatever


Ok, I'm over my rage.


I'm still not happy though. And I'll still hurt you.

Man life sucks. I havn't said that in a long while. LIFE SUCKS.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 1:29 PM:-

Conversation with Mark ( w/ spelling corrected)

Mark:
Why is it so hard to love?
Amy:
ummm... that can mean two different things . . .
1. To fall or stay in love is hard- because love is a decision and some people have an aweful time at making decisions.
2. The pain of loving someone is hard- because any attachment to a human being will cause psychological health to increase or decrease with that persons actions and interactions.
Mark:
wow, that's the best response I've gotten
Mark:
you deserve a trophy

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 12:28 AM:-

Night-time, Dreams; Mankind and Insanity

Last night was almost unexplainable. It was like when I finally went to bed, everything was warped, like how everything goes distorted and you feel things crawling on you, and things standing behind you. There was a loud humming/buzzing-like sound that I think came from the AC, and my brother was in his room coughing like he was dying.

I was disoriented and scared but too paralized to panic. I told God to make it stop. And it did, instantly my brother stopped coughing and the AC noise went off all at once. I told God to protect everyone in this house, to help us, to protect this house and to make every evil thing in it leave. Then the world went blank . . . and I started dreaming . . .

Dream Number One: The End of Mankind

Maybe this one was brought on by Terminator 3, but none the less, it had signifigant differences I think that is what made the concept of my dream and the movie completely different.

The world was going to end, we were going to die. Everyone knew it. Nuclear was was breathetakingly close. I remember outside of my dream, where I lay in the bathtub running over my dreams from last night, I remembered (for real) my dad saying how in the bible, very most likely from Revalations, says that fire will fall from the sky and the land will be a sea of blood and bones. And how my dad says . . . he thinks that is going to be nuclear war, because it's the only thing that can cause such destruction. And I know my dad has said things that were not true before, but I really believe this to be true. I believe God knows that mankind will destroy itself. [back to dream] And so did we. Everyone was preparing to die. Praying, trying to live a last-moment Godly life. It's amazing what men will do for God when they know they're so close to meeting him. Even I was terrified of the pain and the death and the afterlife. Even I tried to rapidly live a worthy life in this time. But God spoke to me, he told me that I shall live. And so thus I started preparing to live. But the mind comes back to trick you and says "maybe you didn't hear God, what if you are to die?", So I also, while preparing to live, prepared to die. I think most all and every persons were still preparing to die.

It hit.

So suddenly. I only remember, before it skipped though after the attack, that I did not find my preparation to be good enough (supplies and such). I remember coming out, but I do not remember seeing any casualties, but there were signifigantly less people. I remember people wandering about through the smoke filled sky. This dark greyness. Now our town wasn't like all these houses so spread out. Our houses were almost like little 1-2 room boxes. Only it was made of house material and looked for the most part, like a house. I remember Ross being in my dream. His dad had secured the house for such attacks and it stood almost perfectly ok, though covered in rubble. Apearently his house staying still while his neighbors houses weren't causes more destruction to his neighbors houses. Ross's house was a better shelter than my house, though his was crouded and empty, and mine was larger and held the supplies, it still had concrete and dust all over the place inside. There were scarsely any plants, it was like a desert of rubble and metal and plants (like chemical plants, or what was left of them), there was an oil and chemical leak and all of it drained into the water. I remember the water being unsafe to drink. I remember tryingnto find a place to sleep, the kind of blind chaos. Everything was so vivid and detailed and I know a lot of other things happened but I can't remember. I eblieve the last thing I remember was everyone moving on, like a migration, trying to find a place with better water and food. A place we could rebuild civilization, to sort of, restart man-kind.

The end.

After Thoughts

And you know . . . it's funny how we walk around this planet so tied to our emotions, our prejudicim, how we think everything's about us and how we want to live life it to it's funnest. But nothing matters. We're all bones and blood in a flesh-sack walking around aimlessly without God. And I don't know if I will live to see the end of the world. I don't know if it's in 2 years or 100 years or 500 years from now. But it will be nuclear war. I remember when I was little I prayed to God to let me live to see the end of the world so I could be taken up to Heaven. But as I got older I Prayed to God that I did not want to be around when the end of the world comes. It's funny, I know this war with the middle east has such signifigant importance of the end of the world. But doens't any war? any political decision? When we elect a president we elect one more person to move us towards destruction, and judgement. It's frightening, but we can't stop it. You can protest against the building of weapons of mass destruction, but countries will still build them, and everything is already in set for the future. You're already marked. Everything that will happened, will happen. And you're already dead.





Dream 2: Insanity

This one is a lot more complicated because It skips around, and I didn't know everything until later in my dream. And there's more to my dream than I remember.

The first thing i remember is... that I was suppose to be at school, I was absent for half a day or something. And I came to school, but the school looked more like a boarding school. Like everyone was in uniform. I remember walking though the halls to get an admit or something. And another girl was with me, and we stole the grade book because she wanted to know what her math grade was. and prinicpals would walk by us and we'd hide ourselves or hide the book and they were looking for it. I remember being in class and the teacher gave all of us a pill and everyone took it. I remember school had apearently ended and I was suppose to board the bus and I believe I did, i was ina ditch talking with people and then i realized i ahd to ride the school bus so i ran to catch it, And I looked around at all the people, thinking about these people. And it drove off. Then things are fuzzy up until the point where I'm in this place, it's like a school an an insane assylum there. The person told me that I was crazy, but I didn't believe her. I was in a room with, normal people, mostly. Many children, some teenagers,maybe some adults too. I was standing by the wall and Courtney was there and she told me that she didn't like me. And I thought about this because I didn't know why she didn't like me. And I told her "you know, you and I are not very different" And I told her something we had in common, and she thought about it while I walked away. And I remember, then giving me the blue pill again. And I took it. Then I had the urge to get out, to escape. To run. Somehow I got out... it was a big yard like lots of fences, just normals fenses some, some were really tall. This one woman was after me. It was night and the clothes I had on were white. I knew that you can see white clothing very well at night in the streetlight like lights more than skin which, though I am white, would be a lot less reflective. So I comtemplated taking off my shirt, though wether I did or not, is beyond me. And the woman ran right by me, and she kept looking back to see if i was there but i was lying in the grass. Finally when she'd almost made full circle I started scaling the fence, and so did she.
This was weird, however, because this part was more unrealistic. I'd pull back on the fance practically to the ground and then it'd fling me over to the other side when it came up. I scaled like 3 or 4 of these fances in a row before i was fnially "free", and i looked to the side and then it flashes back why they thought i was insane, because i was. one of my friends in my dream had died apearently. and I saw myself in a flashback, i was in a small cramped dressing room. and she was dead on the floor, I had killed her. (she was like 8 yrs old or something), but I had no emotion. I just walked out. And then I saw another flash back, I was running away fromt he building I hads just escaped and there was a girl there, i knew her, maybe we were friends, and there were three objects on the ground, possible sticks. One was sharp. One was dull and long and one was dull and short. She knew something was wrong with me when I picked up the sharp one . . . but I handed it to her and she smiles. And then i picked up the long dull one and drove it through her and killed her. Then I began running to the fences. Then it gets fuzzy.




Those were my dreams.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 12:17 PM:-

Holidays

It's not that I have nothing to blog about, it's that I have lots of things I can blog and I'm being a jack-ass!!


...j/k

Well, it's half way true. I have a lot to blog, but it would be all inm unessisary detail and once I start I'll NEVER STOP.

Anyways, Thanksgiving Holidays, Thankgiving is tomorrow. I've already told my story of what we do on thankgiving to lots of people. Basically . . . we don't do anything, except eat. We don't visit family, we bearly even talk when we eat, and everyone complains. And in the end we all go about our day as if it was any other day.


And you know what... I'm never gunna stop.


Yesterday

Yesterday was pretty awesome. Nathan and me were going to hang out but I was like "hey-lets go pick everyone up"

So we went to Mark's first, and Mark got a new puppy! It's a boxer and she's really cute.,

Then we went around and picked up Ross and he wanted to invite his new girlfriend Anique (that's how you spell it, correct?) and that was cool. But he didn't know where she lived.

So we went ahead and called Sara to make sure if she was at her aunt's house (her aunt lives right by Ross), but she was at Tims and wanted us to leave her alone for a few minutes and we were like "uhh...k".

So we went ahead and called Anique's cellphone and stuff and tried to figure out where they lived. That was a BIG CRAZY INSANE GREAT MESS. See, apearently they were walking. And she asked if she could bring her sister Layla. Cool. And once we got Sara mixed up as Anique on the phone. We went all over the place. Once we thought we found her house and we called her cause we were cunfused and we were like "is there a big black man mowing your yard???" but she said no so we left and finally we found them by the Pink Mexican Church.

There were too many people in the car by now so Layla is in the front passenger seat and I'm in her lap. And Sara called and they were all fighting and screaming and i couldn't understand a single thing she was saying and I was like "gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhoahfjo;nvovnto 47y659-2b %$&#$^#@^%@"*twichdie*
yep.

We went insane trying to find Sara and finally she said to meet her at the Furrows parking lot.

So we did, but she had to go pick up Steve who lives 30 minutes away and we were suppose to follow. Oh, and Ross renamed me Shaniqua.

Ok so Sara's car before departing: herself
Tim's car before departing: Tim, Sean
Nathan's car before departing: Nathan, Shaniqua, Layla, Anique, Ross, Mark

People who left to go to pick up Steve in what car like you care:

Sara's car: Sara, Mark
Nathan's car: Nathan, Shaniqua, Anique, Ross, Layla

So we were OFF! and it was a very interesting drive. Lots of......cows. o.O Fat ones. Like these were really FAT COWS. and lots of 18 wheelers too, and me being paranoid about them. So we picked up Darnel ( who is the same person as Steve) and headed back.

We ended up at Taco Bell where everyone ate except only half the people ate. I didn't want to spend Nathan's money. So I didn't. And Tim showed back up.

Then *thinks* then we drove off again but we didn't know where we were going to so we followed Tim's car and they led us around weird places and ended up in Hobby Lobbey and we chased them in there then we hung out in there and apearently Sara was shopping for clothes there.

After a while I wanted to go to PetCo. So everyone except Sara, Mark, Tim and Darnel went. Which I will dub "Nathan's Group" because he's the driver. and the other one "Sara's Group" because she is a driver and Tim follows her. And they were being lame, and Sara had to go soon. And they didn't want to do anything. Lame. I hate that word. But it fits.

Well, we went to PetCo and after that we were like "Lets Watch Terminator 3!" 'cause my parents rented it

blahblah...we went to my house and showed off my puppy to peopel who havn't seen it and she's a coward so she took one look at all the strangers and dove under the couch. I asked my mom if we could steal the movie and she said yes. So we took it and left to Nathan's house and we ate there, and the food was good, and they got a new piano and it was cool, and we watched the movie and it was very cool.

Then Nathan took us all home.

And Anique and Layla are fun people to be around. *thumbs up*

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 5:22 PM:-

Hello Again

I made a few changes. Something's up with my blog, but anyway. Feel free to comment.

Umm...Happy Thankgiving Holidays, everyone. I'll be cleaning my room this holiday.


°·.|\/|åñ.·°

¬_¬''''''

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:37 PM:-

The coldness of the tile
And screaming in my ears
Are the last things I remember
Can this take away my fears?
And I remember, long ago
When you were there for me
And I guess you always were
But how could I see it?
I was crazy...

And as I remember
The last time we kissed
You said you'd always love me
But how could I have known
That everything you said to me
Was never a lie
But now I'm lying here on the floor
And I close my eyes
And the last thing I remember is you
Crying out to God and asking him why
I would do this, oh and so would I
But I guess it's too late for me...
The coldness of the tile
And the screaming in my ears
Are the last things I remember.


title: "Winter Suicide"

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:39 PM:-

I'm gunna go take a shower and get my self cleaned up and ready for the FAT-BLOG PARTY For information and details please see the Fat-Blog!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 11:56 AM:-

Guess What I Had For Dinner



Yes, that is "I Love Nathan" written on a toaster stroodle...

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:04 PM:-

OUCH!

The cyst is coming back! AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL. I'll telling you now, NEVER take your hands for granted. Right now it hurts like hell just to type with it but i'd die if i had to type slow. It hurts to write in school. It hurts to . . . to . . . to hold a bottle of water! I can't open a door or a bottle of pain medication. the brace only stops some of the pain. It really hurts. Not just a petty little hurt. I mean I almost want to chop off my own hand. Grrrrrrrrrr.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:57 PM:-

I know that, that, that

Rawwrr... new day. Drinking water. Goin' crazy. Working on my website. *eat*

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:54 PM:-

Back From Camp

Hey, yeah, I'm back. Camp was pretty darn interesting. Though, however, I didn't like it this time nearly as much as the first time. I was pretty moody and people were getting on my nerves. The only person that REALLY talked to me was Nathan. And then some of the 9th graders said hi to me a lot and gave me hugs. And I met new people that i didn't even know went to our church. The first day it was pretty chilly. but not cold. We went to service and then ate smores. and then me and Nathan hung out a bit then we all went to bed. I woke up an hour before we had to but i was too lazy to get up..finally they turned on loud music to wake us all up and we got up.

The second day was pretty fun. Service, games, freetime, canueing (spelling?). Except little things were driving me crazy and i ended up exploding, unfortunatly at Mrs. Ann and Nathan's mom. I didn't really explode, i just walked off really. Grr.

Anyway. Ropes courses were fun but my wrist is acting up again and so i had to wear my brace. If I hadn't been wearing my brace I woudln't have been able to do any of them.



Then me and Nathan hung out and stuff and we watched a movie then i went to bed and woke up at 7:30 (which is when breakfast starts) and stuff and i got ready and went and ate breakfast (did i mention they have pretty good food?), and then we had service + communion, after that we were suppose to have freetime but we ended up having testimonies instead. then we went straight to lunch.

Then we were suppose to have games but i wanted to take a shower. So i took a bath and a shower. Sarah talked to me while i was taking a bath, haha. But oh well, it was fine. Then i tallk a shower. And got out and it was pouring down rain. So the games apearently were canceled.

We packed and put our stuff down and waited for the bus. I sat against the wall with my kitty pillow and Nathan. Then something sharp hit me in the head. The councelor guy was messing with the termostat and it fall off and onto my head. becuas ei was sitting under it. And it hurt. Well they figured out why it was so hot and turned on the AC. and I curled up with my kitty on the floor and fell asleep. Then I woke up and I was cold. And Nathan got his jacket and let me use it as a blanket ^_^. Then I slept. I didn't notice it at first that there were extreamly loud banging sounds all around me. And when i realized it I looked up and people were throwing a football as hard as they could at eachother across the commons room and this ball (though plastic) was slaming into the wall i was by and it was getting pretty close to my head. I covered myself with pillows and tried to sleep and people were being stupidly careless and i was getting angry because i was there first and they were like "well people shouldn't be sleeping here, blahblahblah," well, i was there first and they should respect that but they think they're better than people and they all suck. Stupid arrogant people. Eventually the ball like hit Nathan or something while he was reading and he exploded and grabed it and started screaming at them "NO MORE FOOTBALL!" and he stormed around looking for the other ball and the people were like "whoa, chill out" and he threw it across the room and i heard a crash (i couldn't see anything being that i was under pillows, but apearently he knocked off some miniblinds) and the councelors told him to take a "time out" and he walked away and sat in the door frame by me to read. and i didn't move until i had to pee then i left. blahblah. the bus was late...eventually a bus came at like 6 or something but it was suppose to be there at 4. But the OTHER bus, for the jr. high never came and so they made us get off and the jr. high went home on our bus. and we waited for ours but apearently they had no drivers to take us home. Finally we got a bus to come but it got lost on the way. People were like "BUS!!!!!!!" and everyone would run up there and they were like "your stupid, the bus isn't here, go away". Well finally, at 9pm the bus came. 5 hours late. (not 6, like Ross said) On the bus these guys were wistling really loud and Nathan exploded and started screaming at them and it was really scarey and i tried to get him to stop and i was afraid someone was goign to get hurt. They did it agian and he screamed at them again. And they said something and he sat down and they did it AGAIN, and he went to do it again and i grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him down and told him to stop it. And after that we both calmed down and he said sorry and stuff. It was really scarey. Well... we rode home, I fell asleep and woke up a lot. and we got home and my mom already knew everything so it was ok, so i got home at a little after midnight and i went to sleep and my mom woke me up at 6am and i was sooooo tired, my mom said i could stay home and sleep and i was like "ok" and so i ate, and took my medicne and went back to sleep at 6:45am and woke up at 1:30pm. Yeah. So over all i had about 13-14 hours of sleep. Blaaaaaah.

Update

Yeah, you know what happened to my Aunt Jenny? You know how they're trying to save this kidney right? And how she had to go to the hospital for testing? Well they found out all this stuff has caused a blood clott in her lung. Well, apearently, while I was at camp, they let her home. My Uncle Don and my cousin Jason went to the grociery store and Jason had his cell phone and stuff cause my Aunt Jenny was home alone. Well she started having another pain in her kidney and she went to the bathroom and started peeing out a whole lot of blood. She called Don and Jason and they called the doctor and they sent an ambulance. Byt the time Don got there she was too weak to even walk cause she lost so much blood. Also she'd lost so much blood they couldn't give her any pain medication because it would have killed her. And she has what's called "rolling veins" and you can't put an IV in very easily unles syou know what you're doing so they stuck an IV down in her neck and you know what it did?? It punctured her lung! and so they had to cut her open and stick a tube in ther to drain the fluid form her lung and crap! All this without pain medication! I don't know what's happened after that. Hopefully they've gotten a blood transfusion by now and everything will get better.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 2:42 PM:-

In the End? Or End the In?

Anyway, we had the viewing today. That was utmost a strange mixture of depression and mania. It was really depressing to see my grandma balling and feel so bad that she actually wants to die now. But my sister and brother were really hyper and it was hard not to be hyper with them.

the funeral is tomorrow, my mom told me I'm not going to school tomorrow. I'm cool with that. B)

My sister is down, she'll be here until Friday. Also, Friday is when we get our reportcards, i keep messing that up. ALSO Friday ios the day we leave for Fall Retreat.

G'day.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:25 PM:-

What?
So how is everyone doing? Yes, I changed my picture. Yes i have red eyes. Yes I look funny in it. In Drama today it was pretty spiffylicious even if the Sub. was really irrtated with us. B-)
Tomorrow we get Report Cards I believe. Becca's sleeping in my room again. It'll be a very restless night. I wonder if people even read my blog sometimes, lol. I think I read like half the blogs on my list over there.

Fat-Blog

I'm up to the offer of a food eating contest with the chocolate pudding and all.


Sing

"Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep
There's a time to play a king and a time to be the thief 'Cause if
you're making all these promises you know you cannot keep
You know time will be the thief and your fallen king will end up alone "

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:01 PM:-

click me!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:31 PM:-

Morning


I'm tired. Becca had to sleep in my room last night AGAIN because now my uncle in here. I woke up several times last night and shoved her over. Often I yelled at her but she was unresponsive.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:19 AM:-

More Update

Yeah, my grandpa died.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 11:38 PM:-

Update on Today

My Aunt Jenny is down from Nachadoces and she was at my Aunt Linda's house today. We left at about 7pm but when we got there she had left for the hospital about 2 minutes before we got there. Apearently she got a really bad hot flash and turned extreamly pale and she went to use the restroom and started peeing out blood. My aunt has a bad kidney and they have been trying to save it but she has lots of problems with it, so all panicy my Uncle Don called the doctor's office and they said to drive her to the hospital in Houston. But they didn't make it that far, she was hurting too bad so they stopped at Brazosport Memorial Hospital instead. We stayed at my aunt's house a while. and then we went home.

When we got home my grandma called about my grandpa and because the hospital said he's not going to make it through the night. So right now, my brother's at my Aunt Linda's and both of my aprents are at Brazosport Memorial visiting my two relatives.

On a Happier Note

Congradulations to Nathan's friend Glen who's wife was in labor this morning.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:28 PM:-

Today
Last night I had a dream that my grandma was sick, but thatw asn't really the main focus of my dream. It was really weird and i can only remember bits and pieces of it because my dream was so complex. Anyway, i was awakened by my mom telling me that my grandpa was in the emergency room and she was going over there. Even though I found this peculiar I WAS half asleep and when I was fully awake I laid there wondering if I had dreamt that. But later my dad came home and yold us that he was in the emrgency room and he was going there and to answer all phone calls. Me and Paul said OK and we took a hekc of a lot of phone calls.
I dunno what's wrong with him, all I know is they won't let us visit him and they made my dad, etc, leave. Anyway, I'm going to hang out with Nathan now and he's here reading over my shoulder. :-p So bye. (Note, i typed all of this backwards. I wrote this post from bottom subject to top subject)

Yesterday
Yesterday I went to see "The Three Musketeers". I thought it was pretty amazing. Not that there weren't some things that would be corrected. But they worked hard and I don't think I could have done it any better. Even though I'll really never know . :-p And the set was really nice and I had fun playing on it durring class. Makes me sad that it'll be torn down, though. Also earlier yesterday me and Nathan got two free small McFlurry's. It was good. And later that night i was depressed.

Sing
"...Just trying to keep clothing on our backs
And all I hear about is
How it's so bad, it's so bad

It's too bad, it's too bad
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind

...

Father's hands are lined with guilt
For tearing us apart
Guess it turned out in the end
Just look at where we are
Made it out, still got clothing on our backs
And now I scream about it
How it's so bad, it's so bad

It's too bad, it's too bad
Too late, so wrong, so long
It's too bad that we had no time to rewind..."

Quote
And God said to me, "They call upon my name a thousand times and a thousand times they reject me, why does this generation speak my name in vain?"

More things

I read all my posts from April 2003 to now. My posts are pretty stupid, complaints and such. I suppose it's better to complain here than it is to complain to all the world's ears.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:10 PM:-

"Rage"

"And I'm screaming and shouting
And all this rage has done for me
Is create a binding
And causing me to no longer see
The light of the world that's under my feet
So I'll... cry out
And I..will shout
And I never will see the light of day again
And that'll be fine with me
Because I'm angry and I can't see
So I'm blind to this world and all but me
Souch selfishness is never incouraged
But I'm ragin' and I can't see
The light of this world, what has been given to me
So I will.. cry out
And I.. will shout
and I will..
Be angry and I'll..
Be crazy..
And I'll be everything you don't want me to be
Everything you said before
Doens't matter anymore
Cause I can't see
And I can't see
So I won't be anything anymore"

(See? I can write things. Even if they can also be a song)

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:34 PM:-

Opinion

For those who remember my scrolling links . . . what do you guys prefer... the scrolling links or this way? *points to the left side of page*

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:56 PM:-

Friends

You know hwo you keep them? You talk to them and hang out. I must not be keeping them well...I don't seem to have any.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:28 AM:-

Yesterday

Yesterday marked 7 months for me and Nathan, hurray!

Today

Me and Ben talked a lot in Drama because we both felt like outcasts! Yay! The set for "The Three Muskateers" looks pretty spiffy and they worked very hard on it. I helped (bearly), actually the most i did was hand someone a pencil. I need a permit. I'm 16 and I don't have a permit. WHY? I want a car, so I can get a job, so I can make $$ and buy people things! psssffftt!

Grades
Anyway, I think I'm failing W. History Adv. I made a 65 on my test over China. CHINA? WHO CARES ABOUT CHINA!!-etc. And so, yeah, I'm screwed.
As for my IPC class, i'm making the second highest grad ein the class. An 89. That class is SO EASY. WHY am I making an 89 in IPC if it's so easy? I'm not sure. But the highest grade is a 90.
I'm doing pretty spiffacular in English II PAP.
I'm doin' kinda bad in Geometry...
PE is fine
Webmastering I'm doing fine but the teacher is like "YOU SUCK" and I'm like "*GrRRrrRr*", I never understood why people didn't liek her ebcause she always said how good I was and I was like "yey, i'm good! I found a class I can be good at!" and then my work started slipping down to a "B+" and she hates me now. Psssfttt. Lesson? Never let the teachers have high expectations from you.
Drama grade probably sucks. (like a 70)I need someone to critique me.
Spanish grade is oddly well.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:03 PM:-

Time for church

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:13 AM:-

It's times like this I wish I were brave...


I don't think anyone could understand my anger and pain right now. How much I wish my parents would just die or give me permission to leave. I don't even know if I want to blog it. But whatever. Soon after my latest post I had the lovely experiance of my dad practically busting in my door and screaming at me that I wasn't allowed to use the phone line at all today. And i got upset because i DIDN'T KNOW WHY and i was like "what?" and i was just shocked. It's one of the worst feelings in the world to be hated and punished and you don't even know why you suck. And he said something about me not hearing the white phone from his room and I was confused. "I'm suppose to hear a phone ringing from that far away?" and "That's the reason I'm being screamed at like an animal who just shit on the carpet because they have bowel problems?" So you can imagine I was hurt and shocked down to the core and he walked awya and I started crying "I don't even know what i did!" and my dad screamed back "LOCKING YOURSELF UP AWAY FORM PEOPLE IN YOUR ROOM IS WHAT YOU DID!" and i was like like ~WHAT???~ so I was pissed off and upset and my mom came in and said that just give it time and he'll get over his anger and I screamed at her while putting on pants that "I DON'T CARE!" and i ran out of my house in to the back yard and sat behind the shed a while thinking and hating my home and my parents and my life. But then my mom started mowing so i went back inside (with struggle) and got fully dressed and grabbed my black hooded jacket. Put my medicine in my pocket, broke the handle of a razor and put it in my pocket, pocketted $51 and some change for a payphone, and grabbed a stress ball and walked out fo the house and just left. I thought so bad about leaving, goign to Houston or something, calling Nathan form McClean park and leaving. But I ended up walking around the block. I was over half way around and almost back on my street when my mom drove by and pulled over and said "would you tell me next time your leaving the house" and i said "k" and walked away and i walked back to my house and sat at the side of my house and just threw the stress ball at the wall screaming at the wall saying things like "STUPID" and "I HOPE YOU BURN" and "I HATE YOU". My mom went bakc to mwoing the back yard and my dad came out and said i wasn't grounded and i asked why and he said because I didn't know they had left. ?????? YOU COULD HAVE TAKEN THAT INTO MIND BEFORE YOU ACCUSED ME LIKE I'D JUST GOTTEN CAUGHT HAVING SEX WHILE SMOKING CRACK. So, yeah, NO SHIT. And he asked me if I wanted to go to the store with him and i was like "No" so he left and I sat ther a while and Becca and her friend came over and I told them if they touched me I'd hurt them and they didn't beleive me and I threw the stress ball at the wall real hard and they ran away. I eventually got up the energy to grab the phone out of the house and I went back outside and called Nathan and he came to pick me up. It seemed to take him forever to get there. I was so exhausted and numb, except that the sun was cooking my skin.

I asked my mom if I could go to Nathan's until 3:30 and she said yeah so we left. He made me feel a lot better. We walked along the creek and then we went to IHOP, courtesy of me (he helped some ;) ) because I had my $51 dollars. Then we left and went to his house for a bit and His dog got shaved and she looked so little compared to when she was all fuzzy and I laughed, cause she was so scrawny. Then I went home, only my dad was home, I played with my dog then I asked if I could eat dinner at Nathan's at 5:30, he said yeah. So I went to my room and there was these huge things of beef jerky laying by my keyboard. My dad was trying to apologise with food. heh. It's almost effective. Of course my mom came in and threw my clothes at me and told me to do something useful today and fold my clothes. Which is her equivalent of saying "i hate you, your worthless", that's exactly what her tone of voice said. andsos till without medicine I'm feeling pretyt numb. My leg hurts, my skull hurts. And I'm definatly Irish.

So, as for my extreamly large post from one of the many worthless children in the world that will never amount to anything. Until I return!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:40 PM:-

Fifty-smacker-oos

I recieved $150 from the R/D clinic yesterday. I got to keep $50 of it and my mom got $100. Well, I have $50! I'm thinking of saving it instead of going shopping.

yesterday I went to the Hallaluia Night thing at McClean Park. Yeah, I didn't dress up, yeah I didn't get candy and yeah It was kind of frustrating. But well enough. Becca had fun. But when she got home she cried because she didn't get a lot of candy.

That night me and Nathan had a huge talk about genes and freckles and red hair. Much to be learned. He gave me a huge list of famous people's who had red hair. Including Thomas Jefferson, wasn't I related to him? or was that Ben Franklin? Wow, I'm confused. Anyways and how red hair and freckles was thought to have neanderthalic relations when modern man and pre-modern man interbreeded/ durring the time when they co-existed. And I was like o.O We stayed up last night talking until almost 3A.M.

And this morning i was pretty upset because i was awoken by my mom screaming at me that it's 10:30, i need to get up, some thing somethign and take my medicine. And like an hour later she asked me if i took my medicine and i said not yet and she screamed at me that that should be the first thing i do in the mornings. As if the first thing i should do is to alter myself. grr.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 11:39 AM:-