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Friday, April 30, 2004::

Meow

I'm tired. My throat hurts. Goodnight.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 11:41 PM:-

Happy Birthday

I'd also like to say Happy Birthday to Kelsi! Yey for 16! I think ^^;

Just a tip...don't have any party this weekend...I'll be working...hard x_O on a paper. rawr *chews her own leg off*

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:09 PM:-

The Aftermath

Well so I'm thinking my blog didn't half delete itself because of a Trjan and that it was a blogger problem.

I had made a complaint to the people who own it and they wrote back saying the exact same thing happened to at least two other people and they're working on the problem. Actually that's more releaving than a trjan...AND I saved my template.

TAKS

Tomorrow's the Math TAKS *cry* Today was the Hisotry TAKS, and I found it pretty easy. Except that I suck at dates.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:05 PM:-

Thank you Mark, sooo much for helping me get my blog back!

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 8:23 PM:-

Don't Panic


Though that note is more to myself. SOMEHOW-half my template deleted itself without even me touching it. I'll fix it up later.

Right now I need to study and pray for Nathan, he's taking his final as I type. Good luck Nathan! :)

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 5:56 PM:-

A Midsummer Nights Dream

So yeah, I got casted as "Puck" in A Midsummer Nights Dream. I would have posted about this earlier, but no one was really too thrilled about it. They don't think I deserve it and that I'm not good enough for it. Well, I'm starting to feel not good enough for it, if that makes them feel better. I suck at memorizing lines. Yeah, that sucks. Did I mention the play is going to be on TV? Yeah, on the PAX channel. I'm not sure when yet though, sometime in late May or even later. So now I can suck on TV. Wonderful.


School

I'm suppose to be writing a History Paper that's due May 3. Unfortunately he didn't teach us how to write it or give us any help besides one library trip. So I checked out 3 books at the school library for the topic, and then 3 books at the public library over the topic, and then I have the web. I have no intrest in reading any of the books (especially in a week), and the concept of writing a paper I don'tr know how to write drives me insane. Then we have to make a poster on it. a poster presentation! When did he tell us this?? I don't even know what to put on it! I'm sooo ready to just give up. But if I don't do this and get a good grade... I'm going to fail the 2nd semester in that class. I can't do that. I just CAN'T. I'm so tired, someone write it for me. X_o


Destruction of the Furby

I went to Ross's house today and we finnished off the Furby. We used lighter fluid and a lighter. I might have prefered it without the lighter fluid so I could see what was all going on slower. But the flames were really cool anyway. The Furby mini-exploded like 5 times.
Then we played Video Games.

http://img53.photobucket.com/albums/v161/Dawnwake/Photos/Furby_1.jpg
http://img53.photobucket.com/albums/v161/Dawnwake/Photos/Furby_2.jpg
http://img53.photobucket.com/albums/v161/Dawnwake/Photos/Furby_3.jpg


Great Wall of China...created by Super Smart Ants

Look at this! We found this ant bed and it looked like ants attempted to create the Great Wall of China, it was awesome. Even if they really didn't.

http://img53.photobucket.com/albums/v161/Dawnwake/Photos/Ant_Wall.jpg
http://img53.photobucket.com/albums/v161/Dawnwake/Photos/Ant_Wall2.jpg

Baby, Baby, Baby . . . You said this is your life, well where is mine?

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:03 PM:-

So lets throw out our electron and become positive!

In every single class except History my grade went up a lot. One of them went up 13 points. Most of them went up 9 points.

That's about as positive as I can get right now.

I have a really creepy half burnt Furby with only half a face on my desk...someone complete the job for me. o_X

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:41 PM:-

Gosh

*reads artical* Sororities are disgusting.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:11 PM:-

You know

Dad: "Stop treating me bad!"
Mom: "I'm not treating you bad"
Dad: "Yes you are!"
Mom: "I'm not treating you bad!"
Dad: "Yes you are!"
Mom: "I just brought you tea"
Dad: "Yeah but I saw the way you did it"

But when was the last time you brought tea to her? I see her, all the time, making you a drink, bringing you your meal. Ungratefulness gains you this - nothing. If anything it gains you disrepect and hate and fear. Is that what you want? You see yourself as a completely different person than you are.
Your yelling does not make you better, nor does it make you right.
Your swear words do not make you more grown-up.
The fact that another person has faults does not give you permission to treat the person any different.
Your lack of being able to take critisim frustrates me.
Like how you tell me I can tell you anything, but I say I can't because you always get angry, and you get angry and say you won't, and I tell you, and your voice raise and the yelling begins.
You think your TOUNGE is not a weapon, you think it doens't sting, you think we'll respect you because you're intimidating. You think your swear words and your loud tone make you right.
You think it's none of my buisiness, but this is my family too!
You think I can ignore it when my parents have no love for eachother? How they are unable to work things out?
You said "Sometimes you just get tired of the people you're around all the time"
Is that what you want me to learn and live by?
My mother has faults, maybe she's no more right than you.
But you've done nothing to help her though anything.
"Get a job!" But you don't help her find one
"Stop smoking! #%@#" But you don't give her counceling, love and support.
"Stop drinking $#^%#!" But you do not realize you tone and words only make things worse.
You do not know everything, and you do not know nothing, you know something but not enough.
You're too prideful to take advice from a girl who can sit there and see the entire situation without being on one or thr other side of the arguement.

Stop treating you bad? Stop treating YOU bad? Stop treating us bad and let us live a happy life.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 6:04 PM:-

It's like I'm retarded or something

Well, anyway,

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:03 PM:-

Here we go again

Schools's back. 30 more days. 30! Lets try and make it. Lets try and bring up my grades, lets try a little harder, I know I don't want to go and every day will be harder and more frustrating but that I'll make it. Already they're trying to frustrate me, Nathan slept in, but they're not going to get me today.

'Cause you've had bad luck, you've had bad luck, you've had bad luck and I know what it feels like to have bad luck

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:32 AM:-

Happy Easter

:)

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:48 AM:-

If my parents get a divorce I'll never forgive my dad.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 5:29 PM:-

If it wasn't for my parents I would eat less meat

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 9:53 PM:-

The Servant of the Lord

"Here is my servant, whom I uphold,
my chosen one in whom I delight;
I will put my spirit on him
and he will bring justice to the nations.
He will not shout or cry out,
or raise his voice in the streets.
A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfullness he will bring forth justice;
he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In this law the islands will put their hope."
-Isaiah 41:11

I think this justifies the idea of my own country....

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:45 PM:-

Friday

Well, I guess you read that I felt really bad yesterday morning like I'd been feeling the whole week. It just kind of all hit me like a train that day. Usually I'll just laugh and joke around in class, and then after, wonder if I sounded stupid. Because before the 8th grade, when I didn't talk, people always thought I was smart. (of course everyone used to mess with me too), and when I started talking and becoming completely random it's like people stopped messing with me (as much) but that people lost that view of me.
Where the "chicks" and "hot" and "babes" thing came from was my history class. I'm surrounded by guys and all I hear them talk about is "hot chicks", and "this chick" this and "this chick" that and "yeah you can pick up hot babes with that" and "the only reason I watch that show is because she's so hot and sexy", and I just sit there like "Gargh!" in my head the entire time just wishing they would stop. There's more than that but it's OBVIOUS they don't think of girls as human beings. Same goes for the girls that are all like "oh yeah, I met this really hot guy over the summer, yeah"

Thursday
But I assume most of my thing was inspired by my lunch table.
I sit there because D'Mari sits there and I don't know who else to sit with. Usually after sitting there a bit we eat and leave for our lockers. But with the cameras set up now we can't do that.
It started out when the guy was all like "ugh, look at that girl, a girl that pale should NOT be wearing a skirt!" (i saw no problem with it)
and I was like "..Hey!"
and he was like "Well, sorry, I judge by looks! I'm a guy!"
"It doesn't matter that you're a guy!"
"ALL guys judge by looks, get over it! I'm coindeded I know!"
"Not conceded-SHALLOW"
"Yeah, shallow."
"Not all guys are like that!!"
"oh yeah, you're right, some of the gay one's are pretty open"
"That's not true, there are some non-gay guys that aren't shallow!"

He's always making sexual references with his girlfriend who sits right next to him and she's just kind of bubbly. I tried to explain to her once that all the stuff he's saying is wrong and disrespectful. And she thinks that ALL guys are like that! I was like "Argh!, no they're not! You can do better than that!"
So Later in lunch DD swore and I struck her with my elbow and she was like "uh...Sorry?"
And then the other girl comes and sits right next to me on the other bench and just sits there screaming out cusswords (screaming them out)
I understand slipups, but not when they're habit. Not when they're a part of your everyday speech and you're SCREAMING it.

I asked DD if we could go to the restroom, so we left and on the way back outside I tried to explain it all to DD,and we sat on the bench and I tried to explain more and I just became depressed, and the sun was warm and I was numb. The bell rang...I went to Spanish, couldn't concentrate on a word he said, I just wrote down my thoughts, sat there numbly. I just wanted to go home.

That's how a lot of it started. Just day after day of that stuff.

that night Nathan told me it's be okay, just to read my bible and sleep. But I wasn't quite sure where my bible was. I said goodnight anyway and went to bed.

Contin. Friday

I woke up and I was just really upset by everything.
I went to school convince that I didn't want to talk to anyone. But it didn't last long, I felt better by the end of the day.
I went home and went with my mom to rent movies, then I went outside to play with my dog, fed my dog and I fed the neighbors dogs just because.
Right as I was coming in and washing my hands the doorbell rang. I went to get it and saw it was Nathan, who I thought was suppose to be doing homework all today. I open ed the door and he handed me a bible, some flowers, and some chocolate. He said he read my blog and so he bought me something to cheer me up, I wasn't expecting that AT ALL. I hugged him and thanked him and he ate dinner over at my house and watched Brother Bear and then we went to Wal-Mart and to his house. The rest of my night was good, well, except when I spilt my rootbeer and then my butt was wet. :p but yeah. Then I went home and went to sleep.

Saturday
Now, It's Saturday, and me and Nathan are going to hang out more? :-p Yup.

And I'm glad Owen's okay after Jake..uh...hit him. (once? More? i dunno, wasn't there.)
I'm just glad nothing was broken. I hope Jenny's feeling okay, and Sarah and Annie too.
Silly Merkling should have used his powers ;) Nathan still thinks any Merkling could fight off five people with their powers. lol.
But I'm also glad Owen didn't fight back :)

I hope you guys did awesome at contest last night! I should read peoples' blogs..

Bai! (sorry this was a way long post, i guess i don't expect you to read it all :-p)

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:42 AM:-

*shoot self in head*

now the world's a better place.

I'm just starting to feel worse everyday. maybe I should shoot myself in the head. Nathan'll cry and stuff but yeah, he'll get over it. no one else would even notice.

I'm so sick of myself and everyone. I'm just really tired of it. I'm starting to think I really really just want to do it.

I'm tired of walking around realizing I don't have friends and that I suck but that everyone else is stupid or that I'm unworthy.
I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm a little kid, or like I'm inferior to them.

I'm tired of feeling out of place, different, hated, unnoticed, and un-understood.

Go ahead, think I'm stupid, and complaining, and doing this to get attention. I don't want you attention, I don't care if you listen or not, I know I'm not stupid, I don't even want you freaking comments.

You ever feel like the damage hes already been done?
and it would be too awkward to go back to how it was?

I know each person out there has an "issue" with me.

Well I don't care. If you're so much better than me to fix it, then I don't care what issue you have with me. Or maybe I do care, because it hurts, a lot. And a lot that you can't even look at me as a freakin' human being that makes mistakes but is trying to work to overcome them.

If you want an issue with me here you go...I give up trying seem worthy in your eyes. It's not YOUR eyes I need to seem worthy in.

I lost my voice...

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:00 AM:-

If you can't control your words how are you suppose to control your actions?

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 5:21 PM:-