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Saturday, April 03, 2004::

Friday

Well, I guess you read that I felt really bad yesterday morning like I'd been feeling the whole week. It just kind of all hit me like a train that day. Usually I'll just laugh and joke around in class, and then after, wonder if I sounded stupid. Because before the 8th grade, when I didn't talk, people always thought I was smart. (of course everyone used to mess with me too), and when I started talking and becoming completely random it's like people stopped messing with me (as much) but that people lost that view of me.
Where the "chicks" and "hot" and "babes" thing came from was my history class. I'm surrounded by guys and all I hear them talk about is "hot chicks", and "this chick" this and "this chick" that and "yeah you can pick up hot babes with that" and "the only reason I watch that show is because she's so hot and sexy", and I just sit there like "Gargh!" in my head the entire time just wishing they would stop. There's more than that but it's OBVIOUS they don't think of girls as human beings. Same goes for the girls that are all like "oh yeah, I met this really hot guy over the summer, yeah"

Thursday
But I assume most of my thing was inspired by my lunch table.
I sit there because D'Mari sits there and I don't know who else to sit with. Usually after sitting there a bit we eat and leave for our lockers. But with the cameras set up now we can't do that.
It started out when the guy was all like "ugh, look at that girl, a girl that pale should NOT be wearing a skirt!" (i saw no problem with it)
and I was like "..Hey!"
and he was like "Well, sorry, I judge by looks! I'm a guy!"
"It doesn't matter that you're a guy!"
"ALL guys judge by looks, get over it! I'm coindeded I know!"
"Not conceded-SHALLOW"
"Yeah, shallow."
"Not all guys are like that!!"
"oh yeah, you're right, some of the gay one's are pretty open"
"That's not true, there are some non-gay guys that aren't shallow!"

He's always making sexual references with his girlfriend who sits right next to him and she's just kind of bubbly. I tried to explain to her once that all the stuff he's saying is wrong and disrespectful. And she thinks that ALL guys are like that! I was like "Argh!, no they're not! You can do better than that!"
So Later in lunch DD swore and I struck her with my elbow and she was like "uh...Sorry?"
And then the other girl comes and sits right next to me on the other bench and just sits there screaming out cusswords (screaming them out)
I understand slipups, but not when they're habit. Not when they're a part of your everyday speech and you're SCREAMING it.

I asked DD if we could go to the restroom, so we left and on the way back outside I tried to explain it all to DD,and we sat on the bench and I tried to explain more and I just became depressed, and the sun was warm and I was numb. The bell rang...I went to Spanish, couldn't concentrate on a word he said, I just wrote down my thoughts, sat there numbly. I just wanted to go home.

That's how a lot of it started. Just day after day of that stuff.

that night Nathan told me it's be okay, just to read my bible and sleep. But I wasn't quite sure where my bible was. I said goodnight anyway and went to bed.

Contin. Friday

I woke up and I was just really upset by everything.
I went to school convince that I didn't want to talk to anyone. But it didn't last long, I felt better by the end of the day.
I went home and went with my mom to rent movies, then I went outside to play with my dog, fed my dog and I fed the neighbors dogs just because.
Right as I was coming in and washing my hands the doorbell rang. I went to get it and saw it was Nathan, who I thought was suppose to be doing homework all today. I open ed the door and he handed me a bible, some flowers, and some chocolate. He said he read my blog and so he bought me something to cheer me up, I wasn't expecting that AT ALL. I hugged him and thanked him and he ate dinner over at my house and watched Brother Bear and then we went to Wal-Mart and to his house. The rest of my night was good, well, except when I spilt my rootbeer and then my butt was wet. :p but yeah. Then I went home and went to sleep.

Saturday
Now, It's Saturday, and me and Nathan are going to hang out more? :-p Yup.

And I'm glad Owen's okay after Jake..uh...hit him. (once? More? i dunno, wasn't there.)
I'm just glad nothing was broken. I hope Jenny's feeling okay, and Sarah and Annie too.
Silly Merkling should have used his powers ;) Nathan still thinks any Merkling could fight off five people with their powers. lol.
But I'm also glad Owen didn't fight back :)

I hope you guys did awesome at contest last night! I should read peoples' blogs..

Bai! (sorry this was a way long post, i guess i don't expect you to read it all :-p)

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 10:42 AM:-