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Tuesday, October 07, 2003::

It Rained for Me

Picture this... Happy. Giggling uncontrolably. Working Productivly. Now picture the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF THAT.

That's right . . . Amy was moody today all because of the *ringringoverlyusedfact* that Amy didn't take her medicine today!
Now, this I wouldn't have minded if:

1. I didn't have school today
   
2. Mr. Jones hadn't yelled at me and Nathan today
   
3. It hadn't been a "B" day today
   
4. I wouldn't have had to proform my piece for Drama in front of the whole class and a camra.
   

I had my piece ready but i was getting upset and shaking before I was even up there and I knew it was going to be bad but I tried to think positive. I got up there and I was shaking, not noticably. I tried to cram my introduction into my head before it started. He counted down and the camra came on. I started my introduction. The first few words started off pretty well but after a point my voice got quivvery and it startled me a bit and my mind completly went blank..and tried to remmeber it...and i coudln't and my voice was shaking and I was shaking and I laughed outwardly and said "haha..man,i fail.." and i turned ot my piece and started reading...but my eyes watered up and my voice and my hands were shaking and i could feel the eyes on me... and the self hatred came at me and I just put it down and cried and said "I can't do this, I didn't take my medicine today" and walked off before even finnishing the second paragraph. I just sad in my seat and hyperventilated as softly as i could and cried as quietly as I could becaus ei hate crying in front of people.
I cried until the end of class where I walked out and tried to hide my face. Seth asked me if I was ok, and i said yes. Becaus ei was ok . . . i had no reason to be crying besides the fact I just cried in front of the entire Theatre class. I got on my bus and cried more and looked at the window some and looked back down again.
Then i looked up and all a sudden it was raining. The sky wasn't even dark and it was raining. It seemed to fit my mood and I smiled a bit because I knew it rained for me.

Then i came home...beat up my dog (not really) and took my medicine.

The FREAKING end.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:36 PM:-