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Monday, October 06, 2003::

Still Sick

My posts are depressing lately. They're not always like this. I don't always feel like a failure, like I belong in a shallow grave with no formal headstone. I don't always feel like giving up, or like crying myself to sleep at night.

Not always.


I deleted all my music except two songs. Darmn you all. That's right, Darmn.

Spinning, and I close the door, and I rest my head on the tile floor, sickness and sleep turning me cold... says:
all my teachers are telling me how awful my work has been. at the very very beginning they were like "Wonderful!" "Great Job!" "Great work quality!"
Spinning, and I close the door, and I rest my head on the tile floor, sickness and sleep turning me cold... says:
and now they're like "what happened?" "you're doing worse" "you're messing up"
Spinning, and I close the door, and I rest my head on the tile floor, sickness and sleep turning me cold... says:
and i'm like "uuhh...don't care."


Padriac my Prince

Right now I'm listening to Padriac my Prince by Bright Eyes. Very depressing song Ross gave me. But I like it. It's where part of my name comes from.

Here's song of the lyrics: (yeah..some)

"i had a brother once
he drowned in a bathtub before he had ever learned how to talk
and i don't know what his name was but my mother does
i heard her say it once, padriac my prince i have all but died from the
sheer weight of my shame. you cried but no one came and the water filled your
tiny lungs. appear, my dear, and sing to me. it was six years ago today that
we laid you in your grave, your sweet young skin was shining then too.
and so tonight to celebrate i will poison myself.
another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.
so i close the door and rest my head on the tile floor,
sickness and sleep turning me cold.
i am still not sure, is there some better place i should be heading towards?"

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 7:19 PM:-