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Monday, April 18, 2005::

Apathy and Gain

Ummmmm.... meh? So nothing much matters to me lately. I hardly remember my days and my days are long and hard-worked. My computer in my room is dead and I'm left almost musicless. I'm still kind of depressed about the computer so i havn't restarted it yet.
I shouldn't complain too much about this because no one would understand . . . but I feel like I'm not who I want to be yet.
I'm grumpy all the time when I'm not I'm apathic. Not only that but the lonliness sometimes effects me, but I always remind myself that I'm just lonly before I get myself into (or back into) a situation I don't need to be in. Not that I like anyone now, because I really don't care about dating right now . . . I just . . . I need cuddles sometimes too. ;; And not just friend cuddles, you know? Because I know someone is going to read this and be all "oooh, I should give amy cuddles" But, I dunno. I'm just getting through this by being patient.

I guess my being patient in that area, however has caused me to be irritable with everything else. I've been working on the play at the college 'The Adding Machine', and I don't know, I feel like I don't fit in, ha, kinda like how I feel where ever I am! In the tech booth all I hear is perverted jokes, some people are intimidating, and some people are just down right stupid. And to others, who I shouldn't be, I'm a jerk. I get sick of all the stupidity, and the perverseness, and I have never liked being initmidated. I sit in a tech booth with a headset and a binder and I know every little thing that goes wrong in the play. I'm pressed for every ounce of energy and patience that I have. I get home late, and I go straight to bed, and I wake up early the next morning to go to a place that isn't so warm and exciting.

Anatomy Cats

This Tuesday we're starting the disection of our cats in Anatomy. I have mixed feelings, I feel like I want to be excited about the cats, but my negative part that makes it confusing is that . . . I have no one whom I would like to work with as a partner. Well, it's not even that, I feel disliked in that class. Ever have that vibe? I've never done anything to those people, I just feel...AWKWARD in there, out of my place or comfort zone. The teacher even seems to glace at me as if I were inferior. I'm always feeling so damn inferior. I want to work alone *throws up arms* Unfortuantely someone has already filled that position.

Sister, Sister

Ok, so, incase you forgot or didn't know, I have a 25 year old half-sister that lives with her new husband and baby boy in Maryland. Well, they're coming down to stay for 2 weeks starting this Saturday. She's only staying a week of that at my house. Luckily they will be living in PAUL'S room. bwaha. This will be the first time I get to see my nephew, Kolten. XB Happy stuff, but also weird because they'll be living in my house...talking to me...wanting to...spend time with me. Hugging me... Rawr. I just want a night out with some cool people o_0.

Last things to add
So, I want to my first party that had alcohol (even if the alcohol was intended for people only 21 and older, there were some drinking it that weren't 21) and I'm proud to say I didn't even touch the stuff. It's not that big of a deal, really, especially for epople who don't understand. I just thought it was interesting. I think there's hope for me yet.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 8:43 PM:-