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Thursday, July 28, 2005::

Ho-Hum

So I only have 12 days in total until I am done with school for the summer. I will graduate on August 18th, which also happens to be Nathan's 21st birthday. Right after that Nathan will be leaving for Sam Houston. Supposidly Brazosport College Fall Semester doens't begin until August 29th. If that's so from the 10th to the 29th I will have 19 days of summer to myself until the Fall semester begins.

I'm . . . excited? Nervous? Maybe both. I'm VERY worried about transportation. I as of right now have no way to get to college that I can rely on. Everyone I know if going to highschool or LEAVING for college very soon. If my mom can't get things straight I'm starting to wonder if I should wait a semester to go to school. Especially since I need to plan my courses very soon.

Nathan and I = very, very good. I havn't gotten snappy, I hadn't gotten angry or upset at him in over 2 weeks. In the meantime we're just trying to spend time together before he leaves for college. I know he'll have friends when he leaves around him all the time but I might have some hard times coping. Hopefully I'll meet some new people.

I know I've been feeling pretty crapily lately, but I suppose I'm just frighting against the odds. I feel like I'm free FINALLY . . . but I'm still stuck in this cage. And it's just the same cage I've been stuck in for years. Barred in by my parents, barred in by a lack of confidence, a low self esteem and a general fear of being disliked. Well, I don't really care if anyone dislikes me anymore, if someone wants to get snappy or tell me I'm something I'm not or be all standoffish toward me they can kiss my ass. They're not worth it. There have been so many people out there that I've just assumed were better than me because they acted as if they were, or for some reason I thought they were just more awesome than me. I just took it all the time, I just stood there like a moron and didn't want to deal with it. Well, I'm really done with that. People can walk around with their heads shoved up their ass and think they're pretty hot stuff for as long as they want. ...I'll just laugh, because they're shit-faced ^_^;. (sorry for my language. I was just a wonderful opportunity that I couldn't resist. ha.) For once I can realize that people who seem great can be at the bottom of their mountain, and for once I can rise above them and be all "FREAKING WOO."

...THAT was an interesting post.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 4:13 PM:-