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Tuesday, August 30, 2005::

NEVER AGAIN!

So I'm listening to Nickelback right now . . . I forgot how much I liked them. I bet they're bad for me. Depressing lyrics afterall. The last thing I need to do is go back to the way I was before. It does bring back memories . . . memories of a numb zombie-faced human with the violent urge to strike out. Temptation to sink into the darkness . . . with the bloodshot eyes from the nightmares, and the spiked coker to fiend off preditors (too coward to confront others), dependant on my jacket to cover my arms even in the summertime (a device to cover for my own insecurities).
Death feels welcoming compared to living . . . I explained that when you live you have to trust God. Sometimes, though, you want so bad to put your trust in man.
But you can't.
Not with your life.
When you walk in death you are without God . . . but you have 10,000 bodies around you to keep you company.

To walk in darkness is to feel good and even addicted to the pain and screaming emmitting from your very being. You want to lash out, cut, pop, inhale, drown in, die . . .
To walk in the light is to give up everything, struggle constantly, sometimes feel without human companionship and to save man in anyway you can.

I would be a very different person if I'd never gotten out of the Dark. But just because I got out doesn't mean I couldn't ever put myself there again, somewhere in the back of my mind there is a potential murdurer. If there was one sin in my mind that I was never more guilty of . . . it's murder.

-: Amy Kelley blogged it up at 2:57 AM:-